What? You’re actually reading this? Really after that title? Ugh, fine. I guess I better make it worth your while. How about instead of some trite bullshit about the artistic process I just tell what I really think:
I don’t want to write this.
I could be playing animal crossing while listening to podcasts. I could be watching Netflix and scrolling through twitter. I could be eating french toast. French toast is awesome.
But no, I’m writing another blog entry.
Don’t get me wrong, I like being a writer. I even like WRITING sometimes. But god, I hate working. And that’s what essays like this are.
I know it’s not brick laying, but I do already have a job. I have to, because it turns out posting 3 or 4 blogs a month while procrastinating on that novel I need to finish editing is not as lucrative as I was led to believe.
I probably shouldn’t be complaining. Literally nobody is making me do this. Hell, nobody even ASKED me to do this. I just started posting short stories here every month because I needed some sort of deadline to actually produce. It helped my output for sure but then I realized nobody was going to read this thing if I only posted once a month.
So I started writing introspective little pieces about making things, and now here we are.
The problem is, the angle most writers wind up going inspirational or advice on how to “make it” in the writing “Business.”
Here’s the thing, I’m not an inspirational guy, in fact, I kind of hate inspirational writing. If I’m being honest I think most of it is cash grabby bullshit.
I also have no business telling anybody how to make money doing anything, let alone writing. I’ve made exactly 0 dollars writing since I left journalism in 2016.
I don’t think I’m supposed to say stuff like that, but I can’t stand when people who don’t know what they’re doing pretend to have all the answers. Don’t get me wrong. I am taking steps to make money doing this, and if you’d like to pay me to write something I’m very interested, but writing articles like “7 ways to improve your visibility and get paid to write listicles” would be pretty dishonest coming from me, so I’m not going to write them.
Instead I guess I’m focusing on rambling live journal like screeds about what being an artistic person feels like, while desperately reaching for that word count I set for myself.
Am I at 500 yet? Nope just checked about 100 shy.
Hmmm what else do I have to say? I don’t know, how are you? Our conversations are all so one sided.
If you’re thinking this is getting pretty stupid right now just remember you’re the one who clicked on something titled: I Don’t Want To Write This Blog Post. It’s really on you at this point.
In all of the little seriousness I have left, I hope these little essays or whatever you want to call at least give you a sense of commiseration if you’re also an artistic person trying to make a go of it.
Alright, that’s 500 words. I’m out… Love you, bye.
Now ignore all of that talk about artistic integrity or whatever I was prattling on about and hit that like button and leave a comment. Principals are great and all, but I’ve got a book going out to publishers soon and need more traffic on this thing. Check out more of my weird stories and musings about life, the universe, and the meaning of existence at Mindful of Madness. You can also find me on twitter @drewjokeringram or on Instagram @andrewingram88. My comedy album, “This Was A Bad Idea” is on Spotify, iTunes or pretty much anywhere else you listen to music. Thanks, my self-esteem depends on you.
4 thoughts on “Unsolicited: I Don’t Want To Write This Blog Post”
Andrew — I love that bath tub. (Your non-post was pretty good, too.)
Nailed what a lot of us feel some of the time. That’s why I don’t write ‘how to’ stuff. I’m not at that stage yet. I barely know what I’m doing myself, let alone telling someone else what to do.
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